The Circle of... Sorrow

[I had started writing the previous post with the intention of writing what I’m going to write here now. The two streams of thoughts, albeit interconnected, would feel more justified in being discussed separately]

“There are burdens in this world… And they have to fall somewhere. If they fall on you, Know that You were chosen because You have been given the ability to carry them”

I may not have been able to reproduce verbatim these words from a very moving film ‘Parzania’, but the beautiful thought in them never leaves me. It’s not like I don’t have the moments of – “Why me?”, not like my mind doesn’t get restless in trying to find Someone to Blame, but sooner or later, some voice (from within or without) in some way always reminds me that I have the Choice to Be Happy, Choice to Feel Content, Choice to Forgive, Choice to Be at Peace, Choice to Choose… With so many choices at hand, need I fret over being helpless and hopeless?

Let’s face it. There’s no Fun without the Boring. No Smile without the Tears. And there’s no Joy without the Sorrows. The flip side will always exist, because that’s what gives the sunny side its existence. But which side should stay up depends on the hand that tosses the coin… Our hand!

There are many ways in which one deals with Sorrow, a few of which are these:

~ Sulk! {Which only leads to more… sulking, but may I add, that Sulking can be quite a lot of fun! Especially when you have audience!}

~ Try to forget by means of self-indulgence! {Momentary relief, to be generally followed by a torrent of emotions again}

~ Try to forget by helping out others. {A much evolved and seemingly successful method}

~ Seek professional help. {Works for some people}

~ Seek revenge!! {The bruise always remains fresh and tender, because it is never allowed to heal}

~ Subconsciously nurture the Pain and Sorrow...

The last one is perhaps the most dangerous. It happens when the scar is much deeper than it seems. So much so, that it might have even been removed from the most frequently-visited pages of memory. The surface heals, yet deep down, it never stops bleeding and affects one in the most unfathomable ways. It creates a Sense of Sorrow which is difficult to justify and to come to terms with. Because the wound is so deep that you have no touch with it anymore. And without air and care, it only cuts deeper and deeper within.

~0~0~0~0~

PR is a man from the upper middle class, comfortable living, good wife, lovely children, a pretty satisfactory life… PR beats up his wife or children at least once in a week. He begs of them for forgiveness for days after that, and yet, he can’t stop himself from doing it again in moments of confrontation. His wife has learnt to live with it. “When he was a kid, his father used to beat him black and blue everyday. He is trying to improve. I want to give him time…”

The Circle of Sorrow. PR is caught up in it, and I fear his children would too. The bruises his father gave him decades ago still breathe in his subconscious. In his conscious mind, then, he would have vowed to be a man just the opposite of his own father. And yet, he finds himself incapable of doing that today, inflicting the same bruises on his children’s bodies and hearts.

Why? Because the place he should have been able to call Home, became a Haunt. The man he expected to be protected by, became his tormentor. Quite obviously, the ground which is the basis for bringing up a stable human being… That ground, itself, was unstable, shaky… and so, that is the kind of man it produced as well.

PR has nurtured his Sorrow. And now, he is carrying forward the tradition, the Circle of Sorrow. Unknowingly. Not that he wants to. Given a chance, his conscious mind would try to discard all the wounded parts of him and feel free. But his subconscious wouldn’t let him. Because somewhere along the way, that Sorrow has become a part of his very existence. His identity even. He would feel hollow without it. Incomplete. Maybe handicapped.

~0~0~0~0~

And that’s why the Circle of Sorrow is an unusual circle. It builds on every negative emotion a person harbors within himself – fear, pain, insecurity, hatred, and it keeps growing bigger and bigger in circumference and area, as each hurt person emanates his Sorrow to the ones linked to him.

The only way to cut this Circle away is for one person to free themselves… That one person who can realize that whatever happened to them made them a stronger and better human being, whoever made that happen to them was human too and they made a mistake and that mistakes are forgivable [Yes! Toughest! Highly Debatable! And yet, the only way to Redemption], and that they, today, take the Choice to Let Go – of their Pain, their Grudge, their Loss, their Wound, their Circle of Sorrow.

I came across one such exceptional person recently. And if you’ve read Me until here, I urge you to go ahead and read Her.