Throughout my conscious memory, I have been best friends with Pa. Sometimes, or in fact many times, I like to spend a few fascinating moments with Fut as well, but Pres has predominantly been like that random student in class who you know by their Name and probably their Roll Number, and just sometimes might want to peep into their tiffin box to know what they’ve got for lunch, but besides that, you pretty much like to be unaware of their existence. Pres was never my friend. I just couldn’t get myself to like Pres.
When I used to be with Pa (and most of the times I was), even the painful moments spent around Pres once upon a time would make me nostalgic with their sepia-toned charm. The days when Pres saw me being ragged up to my skin in the first year, or the time when I had walked down the empty lonely lanes of the sleeping town with the shadow of Pres, even those countless days when Pres had been cruel enough to cause my unrequited love to overflow from my heart through my eyes – all those days would become my haven when I was with Pa – a haven that I felt no desire to leave. Pa was truly my best friend. Crying came easy with Pa around… and Pa was generally around.
Not always though… for sometimes, Fut would hold my hand and take me away from Pa to a land where the night-sky was full of brilliantly bright stars – stars that Fut promised were meant for me, stars that were waiting to fall into my lap and make me radiant and blessed. Fut would show me birds of mesmerizing colours across the horizon, flying… free… In Fut’s land, there were mirrors everywhere, which reflected nothing except the most beautiful image of the world, and in some strange way, even though I knew it was impossible, I felt that image was mine. Fut was my Promise-friend, and Fut was perfect, just like that image in the mirror that was ME even though it couldn’t have been ME.
Which brings us to Pres. I hated Pres – not so much in the beginning, but over the years, I was filled with absolute hatred for Pres right up till my bones. Wherever I went, Pres would come after me. Whatever I did, Pres would be lurking around. Even when I was doing my own thing with Pa or Fut, Pres’ shadow was never too far away. I don’t know whether Pres was obsessed with me or the other way round but it was because of Pres that I sought for a perfect image in a mirror elsewhere, for it was Pres who made me feel absolute worthlessness in my own existence. I hated Pres! Oh! What wouldn’t I give to have Pres killed! I could have chosen to be the murderer myself, I even did once, only I developed cold feet when I realized that as a part of my punishment to kill Pres, I might have to lose Pa and Fut too, and they were all I had. And so, the stalker lived on…
And then…
One day, not too long ago, Pres came up to me… and said, “Please don’t hate me. I haven’t meant to haunt you all these years. I have only been looking out for you, to make sure that you do not get too lost in the streams of tears that Pa brings you or too trapped in the strings of dreams that Fut shows you, for once you’re lost with Pa, you’re lost forever… And once you’ve been trapped away from me by Fut, your dreams will remain only that – dreams. I would always let you see a hint of my shadow around you for I wanted you to remember me and hence, yourself. I always wanted you to see the real YOU, and not the imaginary one that you see in Fut’s fake mirrors, and I knew that only I could help you see that. Now, the time has come when you must do that and face your truth. I want you to see that image that is really YOU. So, will you please…”
And Pres paused for a seemingly endless moment as I stood breathless, waiting for the words that were going to change my world…
“… look into my eyes?”
As I looked hard, I saw an image slowly forming up out of the still waters of Pres’ clear dark eyes. Gradually, it became as vivid as my own flesh, and I couldn’t believe what I saw! I had been wrong all along. Fut’s mirrors had not been showing me the most beautiful image of the world, for if that had been perfection, then what was this? Or had perfection been perfected?
“This is YOU, my dearest. And YOU are perfect! All you need to do is accept it… Pa and Fut can bring you reveries and trances, even though they have to rely on ME to create those for you, but only I will show you the real YOU and it is only if you like ME that you will be able to like yourself, for among the three of us, I am the only one who wants you to be happy TODAY, for among the three of us, I am the only one who LOVES you – I always have, I always will, until death – for the day you die, I shall too.”
Before I acknowledged the tears flowing out of my eyes, before I acknowledged that the image in Pres’ eyes was really me, I heard myself say to him, “I love you. I’m so sorry for the way I have treated you. I was horribly wrong. You deserve so much better than what I gave you. Please forgive me Pres. I love you…”
Pa and Fut are still my friends, of course. They have their own indisputable places in my life and always will, for Pa helps me rediscover my love with Pres all the more and Fut helps me hone the perfection of my love with Pres. Love, after all, cannot be a static entity. Just like life, love has to be dynamic too!
And that’s why, each day, I discover newer things to love about Pres. Each day, the reflection I see in his eyes seems more perfect than the previous day. Each day, I love myself… a little more!
There are several reasons why that one moment will remain etched in my being for as long as there IS my being…
- That one moment was the culmination of 7 months and 15 days of
Tears
Laughters
Uncertainties
Promises
Faithlessness
Trust
Impossibilities
Hopes
Sleeplessness
Dreams
Goosebumps
Fights
Plans
&
Waits
- That one moment, irrespective of the winter, my cheeks could give my hands as much warmth as they needed and more.
- That one moment came after a little symbolic search which led me to my precious gift – the very gift that guided me through the search.
- That one moment, I was the one searching, and I was the one who was found.
- That one moment, my heart melted to see that I was not the most nervous partaker of that one moment.
- That one moment, I wished that time would tick no more and that that one moment would stretch into infinity.
- That one moment was a once-in-a-lifetime… although few get lucky enough to have it even that once.
- That one moment gave meaning to everything behind me that until that one moment, had seemed totally pointless.
- That one moment, nothing went wrong.
- That one moment, nothing could have gone wrong.
- That one moment was the celebration of the impossible-made-possible.
There are several reasons why that one moment will remain etched in my being for as long as there IS my being… However, there is only one reason why I WANT it to…
Because in that one moment, I hugged You… and You hugged me back.
Monsoon is the most beautiful of all weathers, and yet, it could be the most devastating.
I have just about stepped out of the scorching Summer, and am all set to discover the many shades in the rainbow, this Monsoon of my life.
In hope of merry winds, clear waters and limitless lush green valleys...
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