A Most Pregnant Issue

A man chooses to become pregnant! A feat biologically impossible, Thomas Beatie has been aided by Mother Nature in the fulfillment of his desire. How? Well, he happened to be born female. Amidst billions of raised eyebrows, endless cries of ‘Freak!’, ‘Blasphemy!’ and much worse name-calling, protests and even attempts of physical harm to the expectant father, Thomas has chosen to do what no man (whether trans or not) would have the guts to do!

Here’s what I wrote about the matter at an online group I am a member of…

I have wanted to write on this issue for some time now, but I wanted to see the video of the much-hyped Oprah show first, and I managed to find time to do that yesterday. I watched it here

Firstly, what matters the most in this entire scenario - the baby. The most important thing in the nurturing of any child is love and care. In my experience and observation, I have seen that every child, while growing up, finds his or her own set of problems and also, along the journey, discovers the strengths within him/herself or in the world around him/herself to be able to deal with them. How much ever a parent might want to protect their child, there is no way you can shield them from sorrow completely. It's a different point altogether that dealing with problems makes one a stronger and more mature individual. So, the bottomline, according to me, is that problems WOULD come because they're meant to, but what a child really needs is a parent who is right there behindhim/her with the reassurance that Hey! If that seems too hard for you, I'm right here - ready to hold you if you fall. Thomas Beatie doesn't look like a man who wouldn't do that. In fact, he comes across as a very sensitive man to me - one of the most important traits we all look for in our fathers.

Thomas has been off hormones for some time now, which is why I guess the feminine seemed slightly stronger in him at the show; however, in the older clippings from home video, his appearance was certainly more masculine. Now, I know that all that hardly matters, but I also know that it's a fact that even a few amongst us look for 'the ideal' in atransman / transwoman. I've had to check myself doing that sometimes and have hated myself for it. After all, 'Perfect' is only a word, because it can never take a human form. It's unfortunate that our world loves to categorize people on the basis of their common imperfections, forgetting along the way, that the only way to a Perfect World is to bring all imperfections together rather than separate them.

So, Thomas is certainly not perfect. But his imperfections in my eyes may be different from the ones you see. While I felt his and Nancy's poses with an exposed belly were unnecessary, you might feel that the whole thing of coming out on Oprah itself was unnecessary.

However, I happen to see the latter as a step towards a new awakening, a new consciousness. Let's not forget that when the media had started covering homosexualand transgender cases/issues, the reactions had been as acidic and those of as much or more disgust as they are now over the 'Pregnant Man'. All the same, somewhere, at least in some small corners of the world, it HAS made a difference. If everybody chooses to not speak out (of course, it's a very personal choice and must be respected most deeply), the world would remain where it is - segregated. Don't we all want a better world? A new world? However far that dream might be today, isn't it worth trying for?

Having a biological child is Thomas' right and at the same time, being identified as male is his right too. Just because these two rights in his case bring up a situation which is unusual in the eyes of the uninitiated, does not mean his rights can be belied, or that he should be denied proper medical care by no less than 9 different doctors.

Now, there's one point that a lot of people raise which I find the hardest to believe... That THIS – what Thomas is going through - is something that a lot of people would have done quietly (and that that’s the way it should be done too). Personally, I don't think so. Yes, it's 'very easy' and whoever wants to do it, CAN apparently go and do it in Virginia, but according to me, it would take an immense will power and an uncanny ability to strike off an image of 'ideal' that almost every transperson remains stuck with. To identify as a 'man' and at the same time, be ready to carry their baby and yet convince oneself (not the world) that they are and would be the father of the child, be ready to answer or ignore endless questions for all times to come - is a Herculean task.

The question is NOT about its being easy or difficult, right or wrong. If you ask me, it's as right as right can be, because it's HIS right to choose. The question is about one's ability to break the shackles of the convention, the norm, the ideal, the Perfect. Before my Sex Reassignment Surgery, when my mother had urged me to save my sperm in a sperm bank for some time in life when I might wish to have my biological offspring, I had battled with the idea for so long. My heart ached to see a child some day who would have come out of my own self... and yet, finally, I decided against it because I remained stuck with 'what is normal'. I couldn't get myself to believe that I would be the mother of thechild, and that was that.

Thomas, apparently, has dealt with that turmoil and come out so beautifully successful. I can only feel pride and respect for him.

Coming back to what a lot of people think. Now, even if such cases were not to be that rare, I think that's all the more reason for at least somebody to speak out on behalf of all those who would be going through a similar struggle with the medical community, refusing to look after them and their baby. That makes Thomas' coming out even more meaningful.

'Advertise' is not such a bad thing, after all. Don't we see a thousand and one public service advertisements everyday? Advertising is about making aware, and projecting the goodness. Let's not use it in a derogatory sense.

I heard on the show that the transgender community itself has not been supportive of Thomas. Honestly, it disturbed me a lot... because what it really means is that we are no different from the others who tell US what is right and what is wrong. When we tell THEM - "It's my life and let the choice lie with me", we're speaking just for ourselves but then, soon enough, we're ready to segregate our own small little community (if I may call it so) on the basis of the norms of 'right' and 'wrong' borrowed from the same peoples who've segregated 'us' from 'the rest'.